am i the only one?

I have had an interesting week, a good one really. Nothing to complain about.

Last night at Youth I was given some news that not only made me extremely sad, but it also made me feel like I had somewhat failed as a leader.

I continuously struggle with this kind of battle. I believe I am involved with youth 'for such a time as this' and that where I am right now is where God wants me to be, but sometimes the picture becomes a bit cloudy and its hard to understand why? Just why?

I am extremely blessed to have amazing leaders who deeply love and care for our youth and our youth blow me away - there are so many incredible and really positive things happening in their lives and yet when something bad or when I find out something - as I did last night it seems to overshadow all the great things that are happening, and I hate that it does.

Sometimes I genuinely feel left out as a leader, I feel like I don't make a difference because no one comes to me, is that pathetic? I really am not fishing for compliments either, I'm just writing what I feel sometimes.

Is anyone always really happy with how there ministry is going?

Do other people feel the same way I do?

I hate that I have an expectation of people, that is probably too high, it is something I have been writing about in my journal, I think sometimes I expect people around me to be living like Christians even if they aren't Christians. I have been asking God to help me be humble and literally just filled with love.

I guess I just want to feel like I am needed.