god is so good.

Last night I truly had one of those moments that you will never forget.

I got in the car and the song that came on literally lifted my spirits.

I have walked this earth

with broken feet my Lord

I have searched for you

I found myself in your arms

Red yellow blue and white

Are the colours that you ignite

Drenched in your spirit

You've set me on fire

I burn for you, I burn for you

I have given my all

So you give me more to give

You're closer than my blood,

than the air I breathe to live

This slumbered passion that I hide

You call by name, You call to rise

No flesh can hold this fire

Lord let your flames fly hire

I burn for you, I burn for you

Not only, did this song amaze me but what followed was even more exciting. Hanging out with a bunch of my closest friends just talking, conversation led to God and Youth, then we started to pray. We were all our on knees seeking God, praying desperately for his presence to clothe us, to live in us.

I just find God amazing, on a normal Sunday night just hanging out with my friends (we thought we were going to play boardgames) and he can just kinda swoop in and takeover - and I loved it! How strange is it? It was just another one of those times that it was just all in Gods timing, we all needed it, to pray, to be honest and to genuinely seek God and cry out to Him.

Seriously awesome.

<>http://www.glorytotheking.co.za/ > sooo good!

procrastination

procrastinating is a very interesting thing, which I do a lot. Most of the time it is intentional too, I know exactly what I am meant to be doing and yet I find something else to do, either to avoid doing it and sometimes to pretend it doesn't need to be done - ridiculous I know.

in fact, sometimes I feel like I have two personalities, one side of me wants to sit down and do my study and concentrate and go to the gym and eat an apple and then suddenly I am in front of the tv eating a bowl of ice cream!!! haha. am I crazy???

ahh, so how do I overcome this crazy other half of me? I almost wish it could just disappear overnight, also please do not be alarmed I do not actually have two different personalities I am just merely stating that the other part of my brain (the naughty one I should call it) always seems to win!

dang it.

am i the only one?

I have had an interesting week, a good one really. Nothing to complain about.

Last night at Youth I was given some news that not only made me extremely sad, but it also made me feel like I had somewhat failed as a leader.

I continuously struggle with this kind of battle. I believe I am involved with youth 'for such a time as this' and that where I am right now is where God wants me to be, but sometimes the picture becomes a bit cloudy and its hard to understand why? Just why?

I am extremely blessed to have amazing leaders who deeply love and care for our youth and our youth blow me away - there are so many incredible and really positive things happening in their lives and yet when something bad or when I find out something - as I did last night it seems to overshadow all the great things that are happening, and I hate that it does.

Sometimes I genuinely feel left out as a leader, I feel like I don't make a difference because no one comes to me, is that pathetic? I really am not fishing for compliments either, I'm just writing what I feel sometimes.

Is anyone always really happy with how there ministry is going?

Do other people feel the same way I do?

I hate that I have an expectation of people, that is probably too high, it is something I have been writing about in my journal, I think sometimes I expect people around me to be living like Christians even if they aren't Christians. I have been asking God to help me be humble and literally just filled with love.

I guess I just want to feel like I am needed.

simple. but not easy.

This past week was amazing! I had the opportunity to be a leader on rEVOLution camp (salvation army, sa division). There were 127 of us and it was increidble.

Captain Shar Davis (from NZ) and Derek McClure were both guest speakers on Camp. They both shared spoke about Who we are in Christ and who he has called us to be.

Shar shared one morning about Identity and Destiny, she used analogy of Adam and Eve, with incredible insight, Why didn't God warn Adam and Eve of he serpent? - Because the serpent wasn't a threat to God. I love that! In this session kids were asked to take a step over the line into taking back the parts of their lives they have let the devil have - that God gives us authority and power. In a night session she also spoke about following Jesus. Its simple but not easy. She spoke of how much power words have that there is literally life and death power with what comes out of our mouths. In this session, the youth were challenged to bring their sins out of the darkness and into the light, they were asked to share their sin with someone not only so they could be kept accountable but so they could also take ownership of their sin.

As I prayed with so many of the youth over the week in this one session I just prayed that they would not be embarrassed and ashamed to share and expose their sin but be excited about the Freedom in Christ that comes after. It was so encouraging to see so many kids not only come to Christ, but to see peoples lives literally be restored by the power and love of Christ. I continaully prayed the Armous of God over so many of them and will continue to. Shar spoke about how following Jesus was simple. but not easy. Think about it...

Its hard to continue to maintain that high and exciting relationship you have with God, not just when your a kid either. I still find it hard, in Cambodia I didn't watch TV, or really even have many friends I could talk too so I was able to spend good quality time with God and I felt so close to God, its the same coming home from camp. I guess that is part of the chllenge we have as followers, God seeks after us and we need to seek after Him, after all he is waiting. I know I want to follow Him, I want to wake up everyday and make a conscious decision to follow and be obedient. And, that's what I strive to do.

reflection

I have been home from Cambodia for nearly two weeks and I still find myself stopping sometimes just trying to remember and reflect upon the experience. What I am finding most difficult is how to live as a person in a privileged society. I would like to think that I have never really wasted my money on pointless stuff, and I don't spend a lot of money on clothes and even before Cambodia this was something I felt convicted about - spending my money wisely, making sure I was tything and giving to Operation 58, and even though I do these things obediently and willingly I am still finding it difficult to know where to draw the line.

When I was in Cambodia I read the passage in 1 John that reminds us to live in the world but not of the world,

1 John 1:15-17

'Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world - the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boastings of what he has and does - comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.'

Reading this verse again, God is literally asking us to not love anything of this world, does this mean when I say I love a pair of jeans or when I say I love High School Musical I am dishonoring God? I sure hope not, but I think it is what this passage is talking about. Seriously this verse is intense God is saying anything in us that is of the world is wrong and that the Lord is not in them! I know I want the Father to live in me.

This verse reminds me of how simple my lifestyle was in Cambodia, that is something I miss. Being able to wake up everyday and know your going to spend the whole day with God, serving him and serving the Poipet community, it was such a privilege to be able to live like that and it's something I hope i'll never forget.

Coming back to justification, I pray that God will really just speak to me about how I can live in this society without wanting everything and 'needing' so much. I know guilt is not from God but its hard to not feel guilty about buying a pair of jeans when you know that money could send a child trapped in sex slavery to school for an entire year... How can I justify that? I guess this is the challenge - deny ourselves and take up our cross. (is that from a song? haha)

Holiness and Grace

At the moment I am reading Holiness Day by Day by Jerry Bridges.
I started the book again actually so I could really reflect on the writing and discover for about this concept - Holiness. I've had the privilege to attend Youth Brengle last year (A Holiness retreat) and so I already know about Holiness.

'Strive for...the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.'
Hebrews 12:14

That was the verse from Tuesday the topic - Holiness and Grace. Jerry Bridges talks about how the pursuit of holiness must be anchored in the grace of God, otherwise it is doomed to fail.

For me, holiness isn't about being perfect but about living Christ-like everyday, being aware of your thoughts, your actions and the words that come out of your mouth. Holiness is to be set-apart, I want to be different.

Holiness to me is about being obedient. I have had so many obstacles when I have tried to share about holiness with friends. I don't know enough to really explain in depth what I have learned and it's quite frustrating for me, because I get so excited about the concept of living a life without sin that I want everyone around me know it and live it! I understand it's hard to comprehend, we sin, I get it. We may try not to sin and we fall short - I don't believe this is a reason not to try.

I think people have already made up their minds and have accepted that they are a sinner - that we all are, even though this is true, with the grace of God and if we truly strive for holiness I believe it is achievable. I don't even know where the verse is in the Bible but doesn't it say somewhere that all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me?

I could even ask myself - How much do I really want to be holy? I know God has started convicting me of things in my life as I am discovering my holiness journey. I know he will for you to, it may not even be sins in your life but things that are just not beneficial in our lives.

Maybe, I just have child-like faith. I believe I can achieve holiness in my life - I know I can only do it because of Christ who strengthens me and by the grace of God.
I may not be there yet, but I choose God everyday.